THE PLACE WHERE I'M THE HAPPIEST

ISLAND LOVING DAY!

You'll find the most beautiful places where you least expect it. For instance, this house is a personal island that lays about 40 minutes from Cartagena. A city in the pacific coast of Colombia. I am very lucky to not only have been invited to this dream house, but practically growing up spending my summers visiting it. The house is called "Isla Rosa". You can see why.

The decoration is a masterpiece by the owner of the island and although she is not an interior designer she just has an eye for pretty and is crafty in every aspect of her life. Either designing her own jewelry, wardrobe, decorating her houses and ocationally her children and her husband as well. She'll make something out of nothing and you'll love it!

I THINK I'M READY...

People say there is a time for everything. But then again people say a lot of things and most of the time, they're wrong. For example I chose to write this at 7:45am on a monday, when what I really should be doing, is sleeping. Or probably doing research for some project at school.

And I'm having popcorn for breakfast. So you'll see I'm not the most accurate person regarding timing. 

I usually misplace my documents when I'm days away from traveling somewhere or smoke when I just washed my teeth. I get to the train station when the train has already left or fall for someone that just got in a relationship, which is where I'm going with this whole post thing. 

You see, I decided I loved my first boyfriend the day he hooked up with someone else, so I waited. Later I met boyfriend #2 and everything was fine. Not a week had we been together when I decided I still loved boyfriend #1. But then, when that was over, I was going abroad with boyfriend #1 and we found the courage to get together. Well, that day they told me we were going to complete opposite sides of the country. So that didn't work out. I came back and a while later I met someone else. Boyfriend #3. I was months away from leaving for college so that didn't work out either. Funny thing though, the very day I was leaving I decided I loved my best friend. FunniER..he decided to reciprocate my feelings which was super inappropriate and my first year of college I was miserably in love. At first I was just in love. The miserable part came right towards the end of the year when I was coming back home and he (who by the way has even worse timing than I do) started to doubt his will to reciprocation. So the day I got home I hooked up with someone else. Ever since I seem to just have given up on boyfriends and just fool around. Usually sticking to my terrible timing tradition.

I'm graduating college in six months. And even though it should have been the "networking" time of my life, it really wasn't. Sure I made friends and I had fun. But I've never felt more lonely. I'm one step closer to believing I have a celebrity complex. Step #1 came this christmas, when, due to the weather I lived a travel odyssey that made airports start to feel like home. Step #2 , If I'm not mistaken IS feeling lonely when you're surrounded by people. Can't wait to get to step #3 which is when HOTELS start to feel like home. Naah..I'll never get there!...I think I'll stay a regular civilian.

Back to my point. I'm tired of being lonely. Which is why, there will be no more fooling around.

Today I decided I'm ready to commit and go back to relationships. I miss feeling loved.

HAVEN'T MET YOU... YET...

I'm Not Surprised 

Not Everything Lasts 

I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, 

I Stop Keeping Track. 

Talk Myself In 

I Talk Myself Out 

I Get All Worked Up 

Then I Let Myself Down. 

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It 

I Came Up With A Million Excuses 

I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility 

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out 

You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out 

And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get

I Just Haven't Met You Yet 

I Might Have To Wait 

I'll Never Give Up 

I Guess It's Half Timing 

And The Other Half's Luck 

Wherever You Are 

Whenever It's Right 

You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life 

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing 

And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me 

And Now I Can See Every Possibility 

You Know It'll All Turn Out 

And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out 

And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get 

Yeah I Just Haven't Met You...

...Yet. 

CATCH ME...

Before I fall too fast

Kiss me quick

But make it last

So I can see how badly this will hurt me...

When you say good bye

Keep it sweet

Keep it slow

Let the future pass

And don't let go

But tonight I could fall too soon under this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing

You've got me laughing while i sing

You've got me smiling in my sleep

And I can see this unraveling

And your love is where im falling

But please don't catch me...

See this heart

Won't settle down

Like a child running scared from a clown

I'm terrified of what you'll do

My stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away

So I can breathe

Even though you're far from suffocating me...

I can't set my hopes to high

Cause every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing

You've got me laughing while I sing

You've got me smiling in my sleep

And I can see this unraveling

Your love is where I'm falling

But please don't catch me...

So now you see...

Why I'm scared

I cant open up my heart without a care

But here I go

Its what I feel

and for the first time in my life I know it's real

But you're so hypnotizing

You've got me laughing while I sing

You've get me smiling in my sleep

And I can see this unraveling

And your love is where I'm falling

So please don't catch me

And if this is love

Please don't break me

I'm giving up

So just catch me...

IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING...

Hey...so...guess what? I'm in trouble...AGAIN.

Either I'm IN it, or I CAUSE it. Yet for some reason I never seem to end up affected. 

The thing is, I kinda fell for this one. And I  kinda can't get my hands off that one....And I kinda messed up with the other one's head. So yeah. I managed to be IN it and CAUSE it simultaneously.

This isn't what I really need to get off my chest. I've already proved to myself that, this, I can deal with. So...should I go theorical on this one?..Sort of "The Graduate" way?

Maybe.

But I won't.

He's sweet, respectful but inevitably flirty, impulsive but shy, delicate but very intimidating, hard working and pleasing, ambitious but humble and so...so....so....(sigh) taken.

I've known this all along so you can say I'm a bad person but I don't regret it.

So...Back where we left off.

I'm in a stage of my life in which I can't seem to find any kind of balance. I'm here now, I'm there then, I'm thin now, I was fat a week ago, I love you today but I might hate you tomorrow, I never know what to expect from my mood. I guess that's the consequence of living each day at a time. It allows me to unattach myself from yesterday's sorrow and tomorrow's expectations.

But in the end...I'm OK...not miserable, not extatic, just fine...

Strange as it is, the one thread that my mind weaves every day, are the men in my life...stranger yet, the bead I can't get my thread through is him. The most honest relationship I've been in. I've never been more myself and it feels great to find that one person you can be careless around. This is the only reason I don't regret having gone through with my "friendly affair", cause THAT is what it ended up being. Some kind of complicity that until today hasn't hurt anyone. I'll be more specific when I figure out what it is that I'm gonna do about it.

JUST FEAR

Don't waste your efforts on me because every minute of my life is borrowed time. I plan to use it wisely. Whenever you come to realize that about yourself, call me.

I'll still be here for you...I hope.

I'm not really in the mood for fighting anymore. But you've hurt me. If that made you feel better, I'm glad. Just know I will never forget the fear I saw reflected in your eyes while you said those awful things. It was me, scared and shaking from the roots of my bones. Speechless. Not one thought crossed my mind.

 Just fear.

A small part of my heart has turned evil because of what you did. I've felt anger to the point of picturing you small, weak and insecure, reaching for my ancles as the surface where we stand floods with kerosene. The one blink of honest kindness you own appears in the same eight of second when I drop down my remaining lit match and take a step back to watch you burn. 

Too little too late.

Just like it is for you to correct yourself.

LET DREAMS BE DREAMS....

I stayed after practice last night. Something kept me walking around the place... until I ran into you.

You were all silly jokes and no smiles, as always, pouring drinks to strangers with cute voices. He was there too but that didn't catch my attention. 

We kept looking at each other like we had something to say, yet the words that came out of our mouths were insignificant. You told me how you were going home after work because she was making dinner or something I don't remember exactly and our eyes met a few more times in the last couple of minutes.

You closed the register and I put on my coat and while we walked outside you mumbled some complaint but the gestures of your hands distracted me so I couldn't hear. There was a brief pause when we got to the door and then you sighed: "There she is..."

You kissed both of my cheeks. I sighed: "Oh well..."  and resented I turned and walked away under the rain without fear.

It was all blurry in my head, a thousand thoughts crossed my mind but I kept walking.

One last time I looked back to see she was turning her back on me and then I met your eyes again for one brief moment before I turned around the corner.

Back to my blurry mind...No...Wait.

Someone rushed behind me and grabbed my hand begging me to run as fast as I could.

It was you. You came back to me. Rushed back to me and we began to run.

Crossing streets, in between traffic I almost got run over a hundred times but you pulled me towards you and held me close so I could catch up with you who were a lot faster than me. We ran across the Church Square and finally made a right into a little alley close to my house. We were both breathless. And I tried to express my surprise but you softly touched my lips with your index. We held eachothers hands and while I kissed yours, you kissed mine...Oh how much I missed your hands. I never wanted to let go. We sat on the sidewalk with our hands still intertwined and with a whisper you promised never to let me go again because: "If we weren't meant to be then howcome our hands fitted so perfectly together?"

FORMER LOVERS' MISTAKES...

Our battles... 

Are repetitious...

If not... Broken poetry...

And maybe...

That's the attraction...

That you're ....as self-absorbed as me.

You jumped to the conclusion and...

...landed on my chest.

Now how am I supposed to make you see?

I’ll just write this down... 

...with hopes that you'll understand:

I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man.

And while I kissed your face you'll know that,

 I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes

My past.... is mine to keep

Now who are you... to question me?

Perhaps, someday you'll learn...

too bad ...it's not our turn.

You jumped to the conclusion and...

...landed on my chest

Now how am I supposed to make you see?

I'll just write this down...

...with hopes that you'll understand:

I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man.

And while I kissed your face you'll know that, 

I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes.

You set the standard for my future.

You set the standard for my lovers.

You set the standard...

I'll just write this down... 

...with hopes that you'll understand:

I can no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man.

And as I kiss your face you'll know that, 

I will no longer apologize for you former lovers' mistakes.

I will write this down:

"Former lovers' mistakes."

WAIT AND SEE...

This is the first day of my life

I swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain and then everything changed

They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

Now I dont't know where I am

I don't know where I've been 

But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realize that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange you said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said.... This is the first day of my life

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working on a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time is different

I mean..I really think you like me.