IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING...

Hey...so...guess what? I'm in trouble...AGAIN.

Either I'm IN it, or I CAUSE it. Yet for some reason I never seem to end up affected. 

The thing is, I kinda fell for this one. And I  kinda can't get my hands off that one....And I kinda messed up with the other one's head. So yeah. I managed to be IN it and CAUSE it simultaneously.

This isn't what I really need to get off my chest. I've already proved to myself that, this, I can deal with. So...should I go theorical on this one?..Sort of "The Graduate" way?

Maybe.

But I won't.

He's sweet, respectful but inevitably flirty, impulsive but shy, delicate but very intimidating, hard working and pleasing, ambitious but humble and so...so....so....(sigh) taken.

I've known this all along so you can say I'm a bad person but I don't regret it.

So...Back where we left off.

I'm in a stage of my life in which I can't seem to find any kind of balance. I'm here now, I'm there then, I'm thin now, I was fat a week ago, I love you today but I might hate you tomorrow, I never know what to expect from my mood. I guess that's the consequence of living each day at a time. It allows me to unattach myself from yesterday's sorrow and tomorrow's expectations.

But in the end...I'm OK...not miserable, not extatic, just fine...

Strange as it is, the one thread that my mind weaves every day, are the men in my life...stranger yet, the bead I can't get my thread through is him. The most honest relationship I've been in. I've never been more myself and it feels great to find that one person you can be careless around. This is the only reason I don't regret having gone through with my "friendly affair", cause THAT is what it ended up being. Some kind of complicity that until today hasn't hurt anyone. I'll be more specific when I figure out what it is that I'm gonna do about it.